Why I do the things I do

I've been feeling really introspective lately...more so than usual, and it is tiring. I suppose it is an emotional closet cleaning thing. It seems to be necessary every few years. I've been giving my self a good going over, cleaning out, re-arranging a thing or two.

One of the things that's been part of it is questioning my true reasons for doing some of the things I do. (Some things I really just HAVE to do - part of the jobs that are mine).

My friend Christine prompted me to think about this again tonight. She was asked why she paints her nails - and she said, for herself (good answer, in my opinion).

I have gotten so wrapped around the question that I even question why I pet the dog. Is that for ME? Is that for HIM? Mostly it is for both, but on occasion it is ALL ABOUT ME and he could give a shit.

My daughter and I volunteered to assist a disabled man who lives nearby with some basic stuff around his house. I have talked to him about this. I realized that I decided to do that as much for me and what I get out of it as for him. Maybe I get more out of it than he does. I don't know. He and I have decided it is fine, and we won't worry about it either way on any given day. He says I am the blessing in his life - it might be the other way around though.

I've always thought of myself as a pretty unselfish, giving sort of person but I wonder.
How much of what I do in that name is really about feeding MY ego....my sense of self.
Most of what I do is done without condition, or so I think. Maybe more of it is about what I want and need afterall and not so much about others.

I do believe I think way too much some days.